In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
