this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
