he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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