Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
