I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
