just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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