I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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