Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
