I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
