did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
