and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
