stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
