Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize