I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
