I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
