My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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