come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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