Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
