well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
