I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
