; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
