I must be too annoying 4 u.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
