This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
