he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize