What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
