I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
