i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
