I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
