her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So squirting runs in the family.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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