WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
