one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
