I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
