I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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