The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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