Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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