I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
