i think my tv is drunk
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
