mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
