I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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