I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
