so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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