Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
