just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
