do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
