I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
