ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
