operation harelip BJ is a go
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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