Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
