Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
