as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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