I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
