By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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