I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
