I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
