He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
