Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
