Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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