i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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