The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
