two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
