He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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