are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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