just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize