I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
