I am puke
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
